I have had the same psychologist for 5 years. Don’t get me wrong, I love her. I look up to her as you look up to your parents, your older sibling or a best friend. I aspire to be LIKE her one day. She is capable, she is kind, she is beautiful, she is strong but she is no longer included in my treatment team and here’s why:
Your psychologist or therapist will play a crucial role in your development and your recovery. They develop therapeutic methods to help you through your recovery and provide strategies to overcome the symptoms of your illness. My psychologist, let’s call her Nicole for the purpose of this post, initially had a substantial impact upon me. She gave me hope when I thought I had none and she was someone I could talk to when I felt there was noone else.
I did however develop an unhealthy desire to please Nicole. All I wanted to do was make her feel proud of me. I could not make her disappointed and in my own mind I would disappoint her if I told her how I was REALLY feeling. I felt I would disappoint her if I told her that I was struggling with my ED thoughts. I started to present a facade of wellbeing to my own PSYCHOLOGIST, who was actually being paid to help me overcome my challenges and my disorder.
I felt I could not be truly honest with the one person I needed to be honest with so I came to the decision that I needed to seek a new therapist. That decision was not only extrememly difficult but painful. It was like breaking up with a boyfriend who you had loved and cherished for years. Nicole and I had shared very intimate moments when I was most vulnerable. But it had to be done.
I now have a new therapist who I have connected with on a more professional level. I trust her to help me and to support me and I have made a promise to myself that if I find I cannot be open and honest I will say something.
Your treatment team must be catered to you and to your needs. You must feel like you can be honest and open with your therapist, your dietician, your friends.
I now have a fabulous team around me. My dietician is calm and kind-hearted and I am so grateful to have found her. She gives me nutritonal guidance but also life advice which I carry through my everyday life. I have a great therapist who has worked extensively with eating disorders and knows the ins and outs of my story raw and unfiltered which I may share with you one day. I have a close knit intimite family who share in my triumphs and help me through the challenges. I have a fantastic boyfriend who has stayed by my side from before recovery, to finally seeking help and now through recovery. And, as I said a few posts ago, i surround myself with a wonderful group of friends. People who serve a purpose in my life. People who nourish me, fulfill me and add meaning.
I hope you are building a strong and stable support network. Your treatment team is CRUCIAL in benefitting your recovery and your future.