Why your health needs to take priority

I’m a girl who dreams big.

I have always dreamed big.

I’ve always wanted to be a performer.  I’ve always wanted to be an entertainer.  I would fantasise about walking on stage to the screams of my adoring fans and covering Hilary Duff’s “Fly.”  I would fantasise about walking onstage to accept my first Grammy.  In my speech I would thank my parents for believeing in me (etc etc) and would gush about my fans.

I wanted this dream more than anything.  It would require some hard work on my part.

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My first instrument. An electric piano my parent’s bought for 10 bucks.

I practised singing until my voice broke.  I practised guitar until my fingers bled.  I practised piano until the melody was etched onto my fingertips.

Big dreams bring big responsibilities and require great sacrifices.

I probably sacrificed alot of my youthful freedom because of my dreams.  I couldn’t wait to be a world renowned musician. I couldn’t wait for my dreams to come true.  It had to happen NOW.  Safe to say, I have never been a particularly patient person.

My inability to be patient has made my adolesence and adulthood very difficult.  I struggle with open loops.  I need to have answers as soon as I have a questions.  I struggle to just be present because I am so caught up in my future and my dreams.

It’s hit me recently that this feature of my personality is hindering my mental health.  Because I dream so big I don’t live in the present.  I’m constantly worrying about whether what I’m doing will benefit my career.  I’m constantly over-analysing everything I do.  I’m constantly worrying about what other people think of me and whether they think I have failed in my first year out of school.

Because I lack the ability to be present, I take on more than I can chew.  I act too quickly and don’t allow myself the time to consider what I’m doing.  This can add to my stress because I often have to back-track on my commitments.

Recently, I noticed that my mental health was worsening.  I started getting more and more anxious. I started getting panic attacks.  I started feeling significant stress over insignificant things.

So I’ve decided that I need some time to heal.  I need some time to learn how to be patient.  I need some time to nurture myself and care for my health.  Because, without my health there IS no future self.  Without my health I cannot reach my full potential. Without my health I cannot achieve my dreams.

I’ve decided that my health needs to come first.  My dreams can wait for now.  I don’t need to be the youngest Prime Minister or the youngest television presenter.  I need to care for myself.  I need to give myself the space and the time to concentrate on my wellbeing.

I should have done this months ago but sometimes it takes reaching breaking point to initiate real change.

Cheers to a new beginning and new priorities.

xxxxx

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