8 Reasons sex is nothing like porn.

Alright guys, it’s real talk time. We need to talk about porn.

Here’s the deal. Porn is everywhere these days. It is being consumed by millions of people daily. And, truth bomb, the consumers are younger than ever before. Various studies have shown that the average age of exposure to pornography is 9 years old.

Which means many young people are watching porn before they’ve ever had a sexual encounter. I’m talking not even past first base people.

Young people are increasingly getting their sex education from porn. Which is like taking nutritional advice from Pete Evans. Or asking Chopper Reid how to abide by the law.

Porn is nothing like sex. So here is a list that debunks the porn lies and explains real sex:

  1. Porn sex goes for way longer than real life sex

Sorry to break it to you guys but sex is unlikely to last for over half an hour. Porn is staged and filmed. The male porn stars often take viagra to keep their penis hard for long periods of time. It is not normal for your penis to be erect naturally for so long. So if you’re planning on having sex for hours you may want to reevaluate your ambitions.

2. Pubic hair is actually a thing

These days you’re more likely to spot a Tasmanian tiger than spot pubic hair in porn. In most porn videos, the female pornstars vaginas are smooth and perfectly shaven. No hair in sight. Not even a bit of stubble. This is a recent phanomanon. Pubic hair was ‘in’ back in the 80s. And now it’s not in. So please, do not expect your female partner to be as bald as a badger. She may shave or wax but it won’t always be smooth. There may be hair and there may be stubble.

Porn
Pubic hair is a thing. So is gravity. Image via @effyourbeautystandards Instagram.

3. Gravity is also a thing

Boobies come in all different shapes and sizes. Some are big. Some are small. Some have stretch marks. Apparently boob jobs are also all the rage these days in the porn world. A female pornstar’s boobs are often way out of proportion when compared to the rest of her body. They also sit up at her chin, not flop down by her armpits which is how gravity intended. Don’t expect boobs to be perfect, hard and globe-like.

4.  Sometimes you’re just not going to be in the mood.

Some days your sex drive may be non existent. You may be tired. You may have just had a big meal. You may be keen for some Netflix but no chill. Some days your partner just won’t want to have sex. It doesn’t mean they don’t like you. It doesn’t mean they find you unattractive. They may just not be in the mood. Ladies and gents, relax on the pressure. Your man or woman isn’t superhuman.

5. It will take you a while to get horny again.

After you have sex don’t expect to be horny straight away. In fact, don’t expect to be horny again for a while. It may take your man or woman a while to reboot their machine.

6. For the love of Jebus, where are the condoms?

It doesn’t surprise me that people don’t wear condoms in porn. Because porn is a performance. Its sole purpose is to be visual stimuli. And having a plastic thing on the guy’s penis isn’t going to look very sexy. But guys, for God’s sake, wrap your willy. It may take a bit of time to get it on and sometimes shit gets awkward but the withdrawl method DOESN’T WORK. Protection is non-negotiable.

condom
Don’t be silly, wrap your willy. Image via @condoms

7. Some women don’t like having dicks in their mouth. Or anal.

Some women like giving blow jobs. Some don’t. Don’t expect that every woman you have a sexual encounter with will want to give you a blow job. Your first blow job may not be very good. Like everything, it takes practice and time. Also don’t expect that your female partner will want to have anal sex. Poop comes out of that hole which opens up a whole bunch of difficulties. Some women I’m sure do enjoy anal sex but don’t expect that they will want to do it. Ever. Female pornstars are paid to look like they enjoy it.

Ask a Porn Star: What was your grossest on set experience?

8. Sometimes whilst you’re having sex one of you will lose it.

Humans are fallible creatures. Sometimes we fart. Sometimes we burb. Sometimes we do embarrassing things. Sometimes, when you’re having sex, something will happen and you’ll lose your mojo. Your partner may do a fanny fart, which is totally normal but can also be quite hilarious. You won’t see a fanny fart in porn. You may try a new position and it totally fails. You’ll just lose your mojo. That is totally fine. And normal. Sex will not always be perfect. In fact, it probably won’t ever be perfect.

Sex is fun. Sex is flawed. Sex is great. Sex is horrible (sometimes).

Sex in real life is definitely not like porn.

Note: I have written this from a heterosexual point of view as I have only had experience with heterosexual sex and heterosexual porn.

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s